Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
