My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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