her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize