see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
