omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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