Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize