i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
