The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
