whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
