my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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