I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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