sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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