I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
