Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
