Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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