so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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