dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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