Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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