what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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