Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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