I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
