you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
