His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
