Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My dick has a subreddit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
