I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
