the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
