Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
