I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
