Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
