How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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