So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
