She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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