I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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