she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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