I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize