WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
