Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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