hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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