I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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