I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
