is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
