you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize