I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
