no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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