the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
