It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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