whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
