Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
