I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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