I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My pussy is not your playground.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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