A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
