just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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