you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
