You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
