Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
