his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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