My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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