I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
