you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
