how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
