i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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