Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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