Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i think my cat just said my name.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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