it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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