respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
