plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
