Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize