He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
