How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
