i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
