I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Someone signed my nipple.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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