the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
