butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
