I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
