And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
