I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
