what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
