i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
